Bow to the Wind

I'm in the process of recording and mixing another EP for Wildish called "Bow to the Wind". It's a really refreshing process as I am fervently and diligently trading my Yoga skills to my sound producer as each week passes to gain time in the studio space with him. What a gift to be able to trade something I love for something I love even more. It also has given us an incredible opportunity to fill the recording space with amazing life and energy each week.

I was reading an Annie Dillard book, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, when the title for the album awoke in me. The songs in this album touch upon a major aspect and truth of life....everything changes and nothing is permanent. So, the only thing we can do when major life shifts happen, is in a sense, bow and surrender to the winds of change.

I have experienced some great shifts since coming up with this title. And I suppose, since life is always in constant flux, I will continue to do so. It's hard, when you want to hold on to something, and become attached, but the changes in life can be our greatest ally if we deeply surrender to them....knowing that it is for our greatest good. Even if we do not see that at the moment things shift.

Rumi has a poem that reminds me to enjoy the people and moments in my life that prepare me for some other adventure. You just never know why some people or strong feelings have been brought into your life. Life is in constant movement, and everything passes. So, I am reminded...welcome it all, the good, the pain and sorrows....it is all life and it is all wonderful.

THE GUEST HOUSE- Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Food as medicine

     Yesterday, my body was aching all over and I felt an extreme sensation of being broken inside and out. My head was throbbing all over my face and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. Was this a 24 hour flu? Or a cold coming on? Or was this an extreme case of detox? I mean, my diet has changed drastically with no sugar and very little caffeine. All to help suffocate this over growth in my system known as candida. Everybody has it, but I just have been living with it’s angry and evil over-grown twin for most of my life. Taming this beast has begun a massive detox in my life and an overall realization of my wholeness. 

For those of you who know me, I have been having chronic stomach issues and digestive problems for years. Basically everything I would eat would seem to trigger an immediate stomach ache response, which would in turn allow many emotions to surface. My diet over the years has shifted continually. If I wasn’t eating dairy for the month, the next month I would have completely changed my diet to only eating rice and then the month after, it would switch again to only veggies. I went to numerous western doctors since age 8, wondering if I had some sort of an extra-terrestrial taking my gut hostage. Perhaps an x-ray would be able to detect the inner workings of this alien living inside of me. No matter what test I took, It always came back normal. I was very healthy. Nothing showed up, but every-time I would eat, I would be in crippling pain. So, after a while, I stopped listening to the cry of my belly, and assumed this was pre-destined to be my life. As you can imagine; this was discouraging to say the least, and eating food became a nightmare for me. You can’t avoid eating....so this was a daily issue.

Recently, I had decided that I am far too health-centric to keep avoiding this obvious body communication. I practice yoga 6 days a week, and use only natural products....along with eating a wholesome clean diet. I was frustrated because I ate so healthy, and yet remained caught up in this web of illness. I was ready, to say the least, to take absolute control over my life. I went to see another doctor specialist, but it felt contrived and they just ended up telling me nothing was wrong and charged me an arm and a leg. They also told me to give up coffee (which was probably good advice) but she had no evidence that it would help heal me. Then, one day while having lunch with a friend, I came upon a flyer that read: “Are you ready to learn how to create delicious meals around your food restrictions without feeling sick or in pain? I can help you”. This flyer was speaking to me. I had been so used to eating food that made me sick, that I had no idea how to really help my self anymore. 

So, I reached out to this nutritionist. She gave me a free phone interview and I knew within the first meeting that this woman is not a nutritionist for the money. She is a genuinely amazing person who can and will heal my ailments because she cares. Her voice was tender and compassionate and it felt like I was speaking to a dear friend. She helped me to see that I could make food my medicine and begin to heal from the inside out. Her confidence is what appealed to me, but after meeting with her, I could see and feel that she is highly educated and extremely intuitive. She told me about my candida, and since following her guidance, I have been incredibly and miraculously PAIN FREE! Candida can show up in many ways to people if it is out of balance, but it was clear to her that I had been living with an over-growth for many years. And it is curable! 

I have only just begun my path to truly understanding how food can be my healer. But I am so unbelievably grateful to have this light shed on my situation. So often, we are pointed towards fixing our ailments by taking medication and masking our issues....when really, the problem is simply an imbalance in this incredibly intuitive system we have. Food can truly heal anything, if we take time to appreciate and understand it’s medicinal qualities. Though I am detoxing from this, I am on my way to complete health, and in that, I have found that everything is linked. I can and will no longer hide behind this ailment because the truth is, this amazing body that once was an enemy to me is now my greatest ally. 

Attention to detail

      Have you ever looked at the magnificent detail of a single leaf on a tree? The lines, the colors, the spotting? It is so incredible, it's as if a painter meticulously crafted each and every detail to perfection. I cannot believe how divine one single leaf can be. But then I think of all of existence. I start to ponder every detail in every single organism on this living earth. No two things are exactly the same at the molecular level. This, to me, is mind blowing. It is so insane how there is a universe inside of all of us, and we are all SO precious and unique.

      This reminds me, when I feel like I am not having the day I desired, and it is not going the way I planned,  I remember that each moment, like the details on the leaves, is special and will never be exactly the same ever again. So, even in the moments where life feels so unbelievably confusing, I can enjoy that feeling, cause it is unique to that moment...that precious, life-giving moment in time.

     I want to dedicate more time to noticing the absolute divinity in everything....and in everyone in my life. If every leaf is so beautifully crafted, how much more intricate is our entire body and existence? Sometimes, I feel so small, but then I remember how incredible each and every part of existence is, and that I am cradled by the connection to all things. Have a glorious, detailed day, friends. 

Noise

I’ve been grappling with a very deep sense of existence lately. I am beginning to discover the root of all suffering and and I am truly getting the sense that I am in control. I am not in control of the events that exist within my awareness, rather, I am in control of my perception. I can decide within each moment HOW I want to experience this.

Have you ever walked away from a situation feeling utterly helpless and confused, and then a few months later, you can see how incredible that lesson was? You can maybe even see how without that moment, you wouldn't have recognized how great the present moment is. Sometimes in the midst of our confusion, our minds become even louder and even more convincing. But our thoughts are merely judgements upon the situation that fuel our suffering. What if in the moments that noise and chaos collide, we could see it as an invitation to inquire within and to seek something beyond our own conditioning and habits? What if the space in between moments is our greatest opportunities to truly grow. 

I am grateful to have seen such beauty, excitement and light within my life...and yet at the same time, a sincere recognition of when I do not see these truths. But I am learning that it doesn’t matter IF I can see that the only purpose of our life is to love, it still remains true. My perception of this world is the only thing keeping me from OR allowing me to recognize completeness. But I can change that in each moment and in every breath. I am in awe of those who have found this ticket to life, but I am even grateful for the journey to understanding that I am already here, and I have never left.

Christmas Presence

       I feel so over-stimulated during this season of the holidays. There are so many places to go, so many people to see and so much of an unspoken nagging to spend. In most ways, this season represents the corporate showdown  of who can "out do" who and the huge pressure to keep up with all of that. But what people are truly missing is that the holidays were never meant to loom over us and haunt our checkbooks. No. They were cultivated to take time for family and loved ones and truly gaze upon the simple pleasure of our lives with great appreciation.
      Last night, after a gratifying yoga practice, I took a leisurely walk to my neighborhood food co-op. For the first time, after living here for several months, I noticed how colorful the grocery store was. There are beautiful lights and intricate artwork gracing the walls everywhere. I asked the cashier "have those colorful lamps above the produce always been there?"He kindly answered, "they've been here longer than I have even worked here...which has been a few years." I recognized even as I walked home, that I was seeing this neighborhood with new eyes. I was truly present to my surroundings. I was awakened in the moment and I want all of my life to be as such.
    What I want this year, during this energetic season, is to be graced with Christmas presence. haha I know the homonym is cheesy, but I really mean this. I am amazed at how much I can tend to miss during these precious times, when the world is called to celebrate. And even though I feel so much intensity from the overbearing consumerism we have here in America, I want to be acutely aware of my simple surroundings. I want to be awake in the moment. I want that for everyone. Presence really may be the best gift we could possibly ever receive. Merry holidays everyone.

Tuned with love

"The heart is the thousand stringed instrument that can only be tuned with love"- Hafiz

I am on week 5 of my Yoga teacher training. Let me tell ya, it's been incredibly expansive. I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to fully engage in "self"study. When you look into your own mind, you find the wonders of being.

This past weekend, we had a guest teacher from California come to talk to us about the miraculous nature of Ayurveda healing. I was amazed at her conviction and also her sincere passion for teaching. She was incredibly patient, giving space and time to each of us as we asked all of our burning questions.

She shared a wonderfully inspiring and beautiful story with us as we delved into the nature of being human. She told us all that it has been proven scientifically that in a symphony of violins, if a few of them are out of tune, the frequency of the violins that are IN tune will pull the ones OUT of tune back IN to tune. It is as if the whole orchestra has the power to influence those few out of tune violins. It can also have the opposite effect if many are out of tune.

Of course, I could feel this story reach me in a very profound way. I wondered, If I tune my self with love and continue to shine at my brightest capacity, perhaps the hearts that are OUT of tune with the flow of life will begin to be IN tune to the whole. If we all participate in this tuning of self, there will be a contagious flow of love.

Let's begin to tune ourselves very carefully, and just watch as others begin to unfold into that divine love as well.

birthday wish

I usually write a short thank you for the birthday wishes that everyone sends me on facebook as a short status. This usually suffices, and I always sincerely mean it. This year feels different for me. This year has had a different energy, and I know I am not alone on this journey. Many people from all stages of my path have been having incredible discoveries and have been seeking in ways that they can’t fully comprehend. This year, from my experience, has changed me. I am still a goofy and passionate girl, but my perspective on what matters and what doesn’t has fully switched. Some people believe it is from my moving to the Pacific North West, but I feel that this change has always been here in me, it was just waiting to awaken. 

My reason for elaborating on my birthday is that this change has made me feel dissatisfied with the celebrating of birthdays. I know it is a gift to be alive, and I honor the changing of our bodies in this world. However, the love that we give to people on their birthdays does not just have to be on that one day.

I was thinking about the simple hello, the sweet gestures, the kind smiles that exist on even the most mundane of days. There is a level of appreciation that someone gets on their “one” day. There is a level of entitlement we all seek in having this day be celebrated. And with that comes an expectation for the day, which brings about an even greater disappointment if things don’t go the way you wished on your “one” special day. What I discovered upon waking is an expectation for the day that will not be fulfilled. Not in a negative way, but in a way of contentment. 

I deeply love all of you, because I feel the oneness that is in all of us combined. The sweet letters and posts that you put on my facebook have been received and I am beyond grateful for them. I have one request though, for my birthday, I want the same love and thoughtfulness that came into your heart when you said happy birthday to me to extend out to anyone that comes into your life today. Whether it be someone you think of, someone you run into, or someone you spend every day with. It could be anyone. It could be the mail man, the convenience store worker, or even someone you have never met. I know this kindness, thoughtfulness and gratitude is available all of the time, and on days like these, when I am receiving such beautiful and sweet hellos, It gives me hope. Let’s make use out of this crazy social media that we have access too. Let’s use it to cultivate even more love and even more humanity. I am grateful for your thoughts on a day when I turn 24. But I know, more so now than ever, that our capabilities to love each other reach far beyond the recognition of someone's birthday. Happy day to all of you. 

the calling to create

One of the most valuable traits about Portland is that it flourishes with creative people. The land in itself is lush and rich which brings about a divine calling to create. I have been incredibly blessed in my surroundings here. I have been writing and contemplating more so than ever, and I look forward to creating a small EP (we won recording time) with some very talented and hearty friends of mine. I am so blessed to have resources and collaborators such as the people in my band Wildish at the moment. With an upright bass, a viola and drums, this music has become something I look forward to give to the world. Each of them have richly blessed this music with their lives and stories and it brings me such joy. This music is so much bigger than me, and even bigger than all of us. I don't feel the pressure and the potential rejection of creating alone, instead, I feel the fluidity of the passion that resides in all of us.   Recently, a jovial fiddle player/ singer moved her trailer into my back yard and began to incorporate some of her spirit into my music as well. It is wonderful to feel someone's energy and soul move through the music with me. Passion is evident and it is contagious.

I am learning so much right now about music and collaboration as well as the inner most capabilities of my mind. In the yoga teacher training I am in, I have been able to release into a sincere passion of mine of spirituality. In this training of my mind, I have begun to realize that music to me IS spirituality in form. Anything that fully engages you in your fullest way is a devotion to something greater than yourself.  I am detoxing, to say the least, from the outside in. I can feel my body getting stronger, my mind quieting and my spirit soaring. I never expected this time in Portland to be what it has been for me thus far. But I can say, with all of my heart, that I knew if I followed my gut and listened to the quiet voice inside, I would be where I needed to be. And right now, I am in Portland.

Time to rest

    I have been searching, as many of you have come to know, for something far deeper than surface level "reality". I want truth, beauty and light to be the center of my life, and in discovering that, I desire that my search may allow others to join me.
   
      I was perusing once again through media on youtube, listening to sastang....(which is a sanskrit word for a meeting in the highest truth). Often times the satsang is with a guru, and sometimes it is merely a meeting of people who desire to look past the obvious life answers. From watching all of these enlightened people talk about their views of life, I have realized that to want is an enormous gift. Wanting creates questions in us. It allows us to search deeper and really delve into our lives in what we "think" we have a lack in.
   
     For me, I have been longing to discover love. But the truth is, I do not need to search. The want that we have inside of us is a personal tool we can use to realize that what we want is not what we LACK, but what we have an ABUNDANCE of. We have an abundance of love. We have an abundance of freedom. We have an abundance of peace etc.
 
     So, what in your life are you seeking? Whether it be love, peace, freedom.... You already are there. You have never left, you have only imagined yourself leaving that goodness. As I have come to learn... thus far on this amazing journey...it's time to rest. It's time to discover that I am the source. I want what I am already.

Words

One of my friends yesterday shot me a text with the profound thought "the road to intimacy is saying more with few words".- Joni Renee

I am not a woman of few words. I know that, and many of you know that as well. I say every thought, every emotion, every passing feeling out loud. I have learned to be more cautious about who I share my heart with, for not everyone is willing or wishes to hear my truth all the time.

This thought really resonated with me. Words are so easily interpreted the wrong way. In this day and age, we text when we should talk, and talk when we should see eyes. It can always be taken according to how the person receiving the words feels at the moment.

I have come to learn some truths about words in my life thus far. They are incredible pointers, but they are just the map. And sometimes saying less and allowing yourself feel the moment is far more powerful. Our gut feelings are the best indicators on how to follow your true path. Words can only take you so far. Let intuition take you the rest of the way :)

Journey on

A dear friend of mine reminded me yesterday that it is the journey that counts....not just the destination. The journey is the most fulfilling part in this life, if you allow it to be.

She used the profound analogy of going on a vacation.

When you get ready for a vacation, you plan, you pack, you journey there, you have the vacation, go home, and then unpack. But the trip is not only the destination. It begins even with the thought and the desire to go. The entire process of the journey is what makes it so beautiful and thrilling.

I let this resonate and sit with me for a while, and I have really found this to be true. It's not the destination that matters, because even when you get to the place that you desired, you can often find  another amazing road map that leads you to yet another treasure.

I also listened to an interview by the great mandolin artist ( Chris Thile)  and he pointed towards following music because it is a wonderful journey, not because it is a goal oriented profession. It is not something that you can have a goal in, you can only be alive, alert and attentive in each new moment. That is why it is so exciting.

I am in the most wonderful city, experiencing music all of the time, and I am totally ready for whatever glorious opportunities come my way. But again, the only "goal" of mine is to live and love this insanely wonderful ride.

I guess in some ways,  I am still working on letting go of my hold on specific moments. But it is all part of the process and I am grateful for each new and surprising moment. I can only account for how I feel now. It has been proven to me that when I surrender into the journey and experience the now, life is so much fuller and richer. I don't have to try to control everything.......I just have to BE.

The Rain

In this current climate of the world we live in, many discussions have come up about the main "issues" taking hold now. With the election coming up, it seems more often than not, people ask the age old question, "who are you voting for?"

While all of this is important to inform yourself about, I have come to realize that most people feel helpless. Most of us feel like the world is not changeable and even the so-called good people running for president had to lie to us to manipulate us into thinking that we can change for the better.

It seems like an uphill climb, doesn't it? It seems like this world that we live in is constantly cheating us of our natural human being rights in order to maintain something that isn't even real. Money.

Money was originally sacred. It really was. People used money in a gift setting. As in; I did something for the whole, and I am able to maintain a gift from doing this. It was not about greed and hoarding. Everyone had something to give and in that everyone was taken care of. Of course, in this size of economy, money had to be taken to a new level. It's just that we are so overwhelmed by it, we have forgotten that it is not life itself. It is powerful, indeed, but only as powerful as you make it.

I had a moment of frustration that sparked this feeling inside of me today. I was being called about a bill, and in that moment, I forgot everything that makes life beautiful and focused on the sincere anger and frustration that I as feeling. I felt trapped by seeing only this emotion, and not the entire picture. I don't believe that this world is meant to be content with the conditions that are now. We have so many ego driven goals that we have forgotten that we are mammals. We are HUMAN! Why have we complicated things to such a degree that we no longer have access to being free, even if we tried. There are so many rules and regulations on even the most natural things. My friend Bryson mentioned that we work tirelessly each day to maintain resources that are part of this earth...that are part of us. Food and shelter are provided for us, without money, however, we can't seem to work enough. We cant seem to get enough of what doesn't satisfy.

I thought of the world condition today, and in that came a beautiful analogy.

Rain can be a negative experience for some people. It can seasonally depress you, or make you uncomfortable..... you name it. For some it is beautiful and relaxing. No matter what our views of the rain, it is only temporary. It comes and it goes and it gives life.

In the "rainy season" that we live in right now, there is hope. Nothing is permanent. And in the end we will see that this cloud we have been living under has just been a way for us to grow, learn and flourish.

I am ready to see what happens after this rain.

Also- I highly reccomend the book "Sacred Economics" by Charles Eisenstein

The return to love.

I have been reading many articles and watching many interviews with people who have come to know their true nature....LOVE.

I have learned that our ego's cannot grapple with the idea of loving unconditionally, so they come up with reasons to love. Whereas LOVE needs no reasons or condition. LOVE is.

Something that struck me as interesting this morning, and something that I am still growing with, is the idea that this life is about returning to love. It is about remembering our true nature. And that our essence and our ego's want different things, even though we call it by the same name. So while the Ego "looks" for love, the spirit "returns" to love. That means it has never left us. It has only been forgotten and dismissed so that we can remember how great it really is to live in that love. When describing love, many of us try to use words that imply that it comes from an outside source, when the truth is, it comes from within us. It IS what we are.

I guess I have no exact purpose of writing all of this. Except that it is a reminder to me, and anyone who would care to join me in my journey for a moment. Love is what we are. And experiencing that is the greatest adventure in this life. So let's return to love :)

The Joy

Sometimes I become so excited, so joyful and so happy... I can't help but express all of the love pouring out of me.

I am excited and heart filled even in the hardest moments of my life anymore. It's not that I have not felt disappointment and anger and frustration...but I have a fresh and new perspective on every human emotion, which has become just one thing. LOVE.

I have really been exploring this idea. Every day. It is not an intellectually understood concept. It is a heart felt knowledge. In my explanation of why I love everything so much....I can only say that I have started to experience the feelings and understand the words that have lead me to this place.

I am learning now that all of my problems are caused from one thing. Separation.
And I am learning that the answer and cure is also one thing. Connection.

For when I understand with my soul that everything is one, nothing can harm me, and I wish to do no harm to others.

Forgiveness becomes a freeing feeling and it is an unconditional love. For real forgiveness cannot happen unless you realize that there is nothing anyone can do to deserve this love. It just is. So, love exists whether or not there is an experience that goes along with it.

I have learned that this feeling of utter happiness is divine. It is the recognition of the divine in all people, in all things. Love, light and peace.....all real things that are understood at a rooted deep level, and not with our minds.

People Watching

So, I began working in a vintage shop on Alberta that sells mainly cowboy attire and flannel shirts with some retro-fitted dresses. It's been great so far, mainly because I can use this space as my office. What I have been doing at home is writing music and contemplating, and here I can basically do the same thing,  all the while feeling the heart beat of this unique and electrifying neighborhood.

Today I have seen a wide range of travelers and locals peruse around the store. I love people watching. I find everyone so fascinating in their own unique ways. I am blown away at the diversity in all people and how we each contribute to the collective whole.

 Just a few minutes ago, a group of deaf men over the age of 40 walked in. I didn't realize they were deaf until a few minutes in. They were so graceful in their communication it almost made me cry with joy. Before that, a lesbian couple near my age walked in and glorified their unity, joyfully looking around the shop. I met a few people from Sweden speaking in their native tongue for about 5 minutes....until I just had to ask, "where are you from?" Their tricky vowels and consonants were unfamiliar to my ears.   I conversed with a band from Canada on vacation asking me for tips on what to do, and I could only tell them a little bit about my own experience. I still have so much to discover. I have only been working for two days and I can see such a glory in this world. In the people.

I have spent a ton of time traveling recently, and for a while, I will be in Portland. It feels so right to call this place home. I can feel an energy unlike any place I have ever been. Travelers and locals alike can all feel the same beautiful welcoming energy. This city is alive, and I get to live here. I am so blessed.

Judge Judy

This blog post has absolutely nothing to do with the tough and aggressive law woman herself, but it does have to do with the first word. Judge.

How often do we judge others?

I was in the dollar store the other day, and I was audibly scoffing at the surplus of goods being shipped to us from third world countries so that we can buy them for an ideally low price of a dollar. I was scoffing, and angry, and......judgmental of those were shopping there. But I began to think...if I am judging them, what is stopping them from judging others as well?

If I would have known myself even a year ago, I would have not wanted to be my friend. I was just as unaware of the damage it costs to support this industry with my dollar. And though I have greatly shifted my perception of how I view large companies that overpower the little guy, I still have a long way to go.

My point is, any judgment is not a representation of love. Sure, becoming passionate about the earth and the treatment of others is important....but to scoff at others for being so naive is unfair. I am sure I will look back even on today and see how much growth I have had since now. I must do the changing in my own heart, and live by example. That is the lesson I have learned. When I judge others, I judge myself more.

shedding the fear of independence

Being the youngest of three and the only girl in my family, I have been accustomed to being dependent on others. Even with my friends, I have always greatly appreciated taking on the "role" of someone to be cared for. I have relished in the youngest sibling prototype for far too long, and I have recently done much thought on being my own caretaker. Though I have encountered countless opportunities towards being independent (college first then the cruise) It hasn't really hit me in totality until now.

Moving here to Portland has shown me that I really am capable of doing things on my own. I have gained incredible confidence that I did not have before..... all that I am grateful for.

But something has been on my mind lately:

The fine line between being independent but also being part of a strong community.

We are people who need other people. And sharing your gifts and skills with others along with receiving their generosity does not make you solely dependent on them. Everyone has something to offer, and that is where the search for your own independence plays such a huge role. If we know ourselves to be a true guide and confidence shines through us, we can indeed lead others. We can help each other grow.

The way I was living my life previously was causing others to feel responsible for me. Perhaps that had to do with how I treated them (they were my only guides). However, through much contemplation, I have realized that I am my greatest teacher. I have the answers, and I am very confident that I can do anything. Now, I rest in knowing that I have so much to offer in a community because I am whole. I am not a weak being who needs others to care for me, instead, I am a part of a collection of whole people who can give and take when we need it most. Instead of relying on others and pulling from their energy, I replenish their hospitality by giving my strength (perhaps at another time) when I am radiating with it.

In college, I took a course in Trul Kor Yoga, which is an ancient form of yoga from Tibet. These yogis were incredible, and could conquer any fear mainly because they knew it was all a state of mind. That class was merely an introduction for me into independence because our teacher constantly reminded us that we are all going to be alright. The fear of graduation plagued all of us.... but for me, it was the fear of independence and being on my own. She shared her glorious life stories with us each class, and now looking back, I can really see what she means. I am an independent woman, who is fearless and strong. I can do anything when I trust that the magic will happen. And the comfort of community is bigger than just depending on others, it is knowing that you contribute just as much to their lives.

patience is a virtue

with all the life experience I have been blessed with, this is by far the most challenging. It is the challenge of resting in the great unknown.

I am not sure what life has in store for me. Only that I have great love and passion for music. When I sing, I can feel my whole being radiate with joy. It is almost as if I am being taken to another world completely. I know other artists feel similarly. It's as if I am tapping into the greatest secret of all time, ridding myself of this illusion for a brief moment. All my worries disappear, because they never really existed in the first place.

This time period of my life has been transformative and fluid. I have spent many hours, by grace alone, in solitude. I have listened to my gut. I have practiced peace. I have pushed away the greatest doubts I have ever known. But all of this has taken tremendous patience. Patience I prayed for. And instead of automatically becoming patient, I was given time to wait.

I used to be the biggest stress ball. I couldn't control my reactions to the simplest hiccups in life. I needed to chill, to say the least. And Yoga has done wonders for my inner peace. But even more so, I have handed over my trust to the unfolding universe.

It is so easy to get so caught up in the every day annoyances and worry about the future. So, to the best of my ability, right now on this crazy unknown journey I have set upon, I release myself into the greatest adventure I have known yet.

I am loved by love itself

On the subject of love.

Hafiz says in The Gift something like this (forgive my paraphrasing)" One cannot master love, one can only serve as a vessel (a glass of wine)"

I adore how he uses that imagery of the glass of wine. The wine; being aged to perfection, is the love that we realize has been overflowing after years of experience. The wine glass; being our vessel that love can freely flow through.

We cannot try to attain love. It is not something that you can perfect. It is just there. It is available all of the time. We must be open to love flowing through us in order to experience it though. This is a choice.

Many people have an idealized picture of how love is "supposed to be". I know I still do in some ways. We have made love into an item, versus something that is inately a part of being human. It is our nature to love. Even in those humans where love is expressed in terms of fear. We are all love. Period.

I feel so blessed to have realized that love is not something I can gain or own. It is something that is a part of me. Everything in my life has stemmed from my connection to love. My music, my energy, my joy, and even my insecurities. For in those tough times that I am filling that void of love with something else, it is still a part of love. It is only disguised and masked by this illusion.

 Love is all there is, and we are an expression of love.

As I went down in the river to pray....

This weekend was one to write about.

 I followed my hearts longing, and I went to commune with nature, and a beloved friend and mentor Jo- Ellen. I found my way down the 5 freeway through the lush land of southern Oregon into an oasis located on a creek and river. This was paradise.

When I arrived at their piece of heaven on earth, I closely held my dear friend who I hadn't seen in years...knowing that true human connection heals all wounds. I found myself taken back by the serenity of this land and the wisdom of Jo Ellen. After releasing my weighted baggage by laughing through life, I found clarity and simplicity.

Jo- Ellen let me read this magnificent book called "Epiphany" by Elise Ballard, that highlights the greatest transitions in people's lives. One woman shared her story of finding her connection with God, and realizing how dramatic she had made her own life. She attracted all of these huge "problems" in her life in order to make room for the life she really wanted. She also realized she couldn't help anyone until she focused on her own peace and serenity. It was touching, and so accurate.When your mind is so pre-occupied with the chaos in life, you can't help anyone, including yourself.

Sometimes life hands you lemons, and like they say......

but what you do with those sticky situations is truly the beauty of life. They are opportunities to grow and connect to your true path.

And as I spent my weekend belly laughing, crying and being quiet and still, I realized....nothing is as big of a deal as it seems, and all you can do is strive for clarity and wisdom and let your troubles wash away with the flowing river.

Thank you Jo-Ellen, again, you have reminded me that LOVE is all there is.