Bow to the Wind

I'm in the process of recording and mixing another EP for Wildish called "Bow to the Wind". It's a really refreshing process as I am fervently and diligently trading my Yoga skills to my sound producer as each week passes to gain time in the studio space with him. What a gift to be able to trade something I love for something I love even more. It also has given us an incredible opportunity to fill the recording space with amazing life and energy each week.

I was reading an Annie Dillard book, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, when the title for the album awoke in me. The songs in this album touch upon a major aspect and truth of life....everything changes and nothing is permanent. So, the only thing we can do when major life shifts happen, is in a sense, bow and surrender to the winds of change.

I have experienced some great shifts since coming up with this title. And I suppose, since life is always in constant flux, I will continue to do so. It's hard, when you want to hold on to something, and become attached, but the changes in life can be our greatest ally if we deeply surrender to them....knowing that it is for our greatest good. Even if we do not see that at the moment things shift.

Rumi has a poem that reminds me to enjoy the people and moments in my life that prepare me for some other adventure. You just never know why some people or strong feelings have been brought into your life. Life is in constant movement, and everything passes. So, I am reminded...welcome it all, the good, the pain and sorrows....it is all life and it is all wonderful.

THE GUEST HOUSE- Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Food as medicine

     Yesterday, my body was aching all over and I felt an extreme sensation of being broken inside and out. My head was throbbing all over my face and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. Was this a 24 hour flu? Or a cold coming on? Or was this an extreme case of detox? I mean, my diet has changed drastically with no sugar and very little caffeine. All to help suffocate this over growth in my system known as candida. Everybody has it, but I just have been living with it’s angry and evil over-grown twin for most of my life. Taming this beast has begun a massive detox in my life and an overall realization of my wholeness. 

For those of you who know me, I have been having chronic stomach issues and digestive problems for years. Basically everything I would eat would seem to trigger an immediate stomach ache response, which would in turn allow many emotions to surface. My diet over the years has shifted continually. If I wasn’t eating dairy for the month, the next month I would have completely changed my diet to only eating rice and then the month after, it would switch again to only veggies. I went to numerous western doctors since age 8, wondering if I had some sort of an extra-terrestrial taking my gut hostage. Perhaps an x-ray would be able to detect the inner workings of this alien living inside of me. No matter what test I took, It always came back normal. I was very healthy. Nothing showed up, but every-time I would eat, I would be in crippling pain. So, after a while, I stopped listening to the cry of my belly, and assumed this was pre-destined to be my life. As you can imagine; this was discouraging to say the least, and eating food became a nightmare for me. You can’t avoid eating....so this was a daily issue.

Recently, I had decided that I am far too health-centric to keep avoiding this obvious body communication. I practice yoga 6 days a week, and use only natural products....along with eating a wholesome clean diet. I was frustrated because I ate so healthy, and yet remained caught up in this web of illness. I was ready, to say the least, to take absolute control over my life. I went to see another doctor specialist, but it felt contrived and they just ended up telling me nothing was wrong and charged me an arm and a leg. They also told me to give up coffee (which was probably good advice) but she had no evidence that it would help heal me. Then, one day while having lunch with a friend, I came upon a flyer that read: “Are you ready to learn how to create delicious meals around your food restrictions without feeling sick or in pain? I can help you”. This flyer was speaking to me. I had been so used to eating food that made me sick, that I had no idea how to really help my self anymore. 

So, I reached out to this nutritionist. She gave me a free phone interview and I knew within the first meeting that this woman is not a nutritionist for the money. She is a genuinely amazing person who can and will heal my ailments because she cares. Her voice was tender and compassionate and it felt like I was speaking to a dear friend. She helped me to see that I could make food my medicine and begin to heal from the inside out. Her confidence is what appealed to me, but after meeting with her, I could see and feel that she is highly educated and extremely intuitive. She told me about my candida, and since following her guidance, I have been incredibly and miraculously PAIN FREE! Candida can show up in many ways to people if it is out of balance, but it was clear to her that I had been living with an over-growth for many years. And it is curable! 

I have only just begun my path to truly understanding how food can be my healer. But I am so unbelievably grateful to have this light shed on my situation. So often, we are pointed towards fixing our ailments by taking medication and masking our issues....when really, the problem is simply an imbalance in this incredibly intuitive system we have. Food can truly heal anything, if we take time to appreciate and understand it’s medicinal qualities. Though I am detoxing from this, I am on my way to complete health, and in that, I have found that everything is linked. I can and will no longer hide behind this ailment because the truth is, this amazing body that once was an enemy to me is now my greatest ally. 

Attention to detail

      Have you ever looked at the magnificent detail of a single leaf on a tree? The lines, the colors, the spotting? It is so incredible, it's as if a painter meticulously crafted each and every detail to perfection. I cannot believe how divine one single leaf can be. But then I think of all of existence. I start to ponder every detail in every single organism on this living earth. No two things are exactly the same at the molecular level. This, to me, is mind blowing. It is so insane how there is a universe inside of all of us, and we are all SO precious and unique.

      This reminds me, when I feel like I am not having the day I desired, and it is not going the way I planned,  I remember that each moment, like the details on the leaves, is special and will never be exactly the same ever again. So, even in the moments where life feels so unbelievably confusing, I can enjoy that feeling, cause it is unique to that moment...that precious, life-giving moment in time.

     I want to dedicate more time to noticing the absolute divinity in everything....and in everyone in my life. If every leaf is so beautifully crafted, how much more intricate is our entire body and existence? Sometimes, I feel so small, but then I remember how incredible each and every part of existence is, and that I am cradled by the connection to all things. Have a glorious, detailed day, friends. 

Noise

I’ve been grappling with a very deep sense of existence lately. I am beginning to discover the root of all suffering and and I am truly getting the sense that I am in control. I am not in control of the events that exist within my awareness, rather, I am in control of my perception. I can decide within each moment HOW I want to experience this.

Have you ever walked away from a situation feeling utterly helpless and confused, and then a few months later, you can see how incredible that lesson was? You can maybe even see how without that moment, you wouldn't have recognized how great the present moment is. Sometimes in the midst of our confusion, our minds become even louder and even more convincing. But our thoughts are merely judgements upon the situation that fuel our suffering. What if in the moments that noise and chaos collide, we could see it as an invitation to inquire within and to seek something beyond our own conditioning and habits? What if the space in between moments is our greatest opportunities to truly grow. 

I am grateful to have seen such beauty, excitement and light within my life...and yet at the same time, a sincere recognition of when I do not see these truths. But I am learning that it doesn’t matter IF I can see that the only purpose of our life is to love, it still remains true. My perception of this world is the only thing keeping me from OR allowing me to recognize completeness. But I can change that in each moment and in every breath. I am in awe of those who have found this ticket to life, but I am even grateful for the journey to understanding that I am already here, and I have never left.

Christmas Presence

       I feel so over-stimulated during this season of the holidays. There are so many places to go, so many people to see and so much of an unspoken nagging to spend. In most ways, this season represents the corporate showdown  of who can "out do" who and the huge pressure to keep up with all of that. But what people are truly missing is that the holidays were never meant to loom over us and haunt our checkbooks. No. They were cultivated to take time for family and loved ones and truly gaze upon the simple pleasure of our lives with great appreciation.
      Last night, after a gratifying yoga practice, I took a leisurely walk to my neighborhood food co-op. For the first time, after living here for several months, I noticed how colorful the grocery store was. There are beautiful lights and intricate artwork gracing the walls everywhere. I asked the cashier "have those colorful lamps above the produce always been there?"He kindly answered, "they've been here longer than I have even worked here...which has been a few years." I recognized even as I walked home, that I was seeing this neighborhood with new eyes. I was truly present to my surroundings. I was awakened in the moment and I want all of my life to be as such.
    What I want this year, during this energetic season, is to be graced with Christmas presence. haha I know the homonym is cheesy, but I really mean this. I am amazed at how much I can tend to miss during these precious times, when the world is called to celebrate. And even though I feel so much intensity from the overbearing consumerism we have here in America, I want to be acutely aware of my simple surroundings. I want to be awake in the moment. I want that for everyone. Presence really may be the best gift we could possibly ever receive. Merry holidays everyone.

Tuned with love

"The heart is the thousand stringed instrument that can only be tuned with love"- Hafiz

I am on week 5 of my Yoga teacher training. Let me tell ya, it's been incredibly expansive. I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to fully engage in "self"study. When you look into your own mind, you find the wonders of being.

This past weekend, we had a guest teacher from California come to talk to us about the miraculous nature of Ayurveda healing. I was amazed at her conviction and also her sincere passion for teaching. She was incredibly patient, giving space and time to each of us as we asked all of our burning questions.

She shared a wonderfully inspiring and beautiful story with us as we delved into the nature of being human. She told us all that it has been proven scientifically that in a symphony of violins, if a few of them are out of tune, the frequency of the violins that are IN tune will pull the ones OUT of tune back IN to tune. It is as if the whole orchestra has the power to influence those few out of tune violins. It can also have the opposite effect if many are out of tune.

Of course, I could feel this story reach me in a very profound way. I wondered, If I tune my self with love and continue to shine at my brightest capacity, perhaps the hearts that are OUT of tune with the flow of life will begin to be IN tune to the whole. If we all participate in this tuning of self, there will be a contagious flow of love.

Let's begin to tune ourselves very carefully, and just watch as others begin to unfold into that divine love as well.

birthday wish

I usually write a short thank you for the birthday wishes that everyone sends me on facebook as a short status. This usually suffices, and I always sincerely mean it. This year feels different for me. This year has had a different energy, and I know I am not alone on this journey. Many people from all stages of my path have been having incredible discoveries and have been seeking in ways that they can’t fully comprehend. This year, from my experience, has changed me. I am still a goofy and passionate girl, but my perspective on what matters and what doesn’t has fully switched. Some people believe it is from my moving to the Pacific North West, but I feel that this change has always been here in me, it was just waiting to awaken. 

My reason for elaborating on my birthday is that this change has made me feel dissatisfied with the celebrating of birthdays. I know it is a gift to be alive, and I honor the changing of our bodies in this world. However, the love that we give to people on their birthdays does not just have to be on that one day.

I was thinking about the simple hello, the sweet gestures, the kind smiles that exist on even the most mundane of days. There is a level of appreciation that someone gets on their “one” day. There is a level of entitlement we all seek in having this day be celebrated. And with that comes an expectation for the day, which brings about an even greater disappointment if things don’t go the way you wished on your “one” special day. What I discovered upon waking is an expectation for the day that will not be fulfilled. Not in a negative way, but in a way of contentment. 

I deeply love all of you, because I feel the oneness that is in all of us combined. The sweet letters and posts that you put on my facebook have been received and I am beyond grateful for them. I have one request though, for my birthday, I want the same love and thoughtfulness that came into your heart when you said happy birthday to me to extend out to anyone that comes into your life today. Whether it be someone you think of, someone you run into, or someone you spend every day with. It could be anyone. It could be the mail man, the convenience store worker, or even someone you have never met. I know this kindness, thoughtfulness and gratitude is available all of the time, and on days like these, when I am receiving such beautiful and sweet hellos, It gives me hope. Let’s make use out of this crazy social media that we have access too. Let’s use it to cultivate even more love and even more humanity. I am grateful for your thoughts on a day when I turn 24. But I know, more so now than ever, that our capabilities to love each other reach far beyond the recognition of someone's birthday. Happy day to all of you.