One of the most valuable traits about Portland is that it flourishes with creative people. The land in itself is lush and rich which brings about a divine calling to create. I have been incredibly blessed in my surroundings here. I have been writing and contemplating more so than ever, and I look forward to creating a small EP (we won recording time) with some very talented and hearty friends of mine. I am so blessed to have resources and collaborators such as the people in my band Wildish at the moment. With an upright bass, a viola and drums, this music has become something I look forward to give to the world. Each of them have richly blessed this music with their lives and stories and it brings me such joy. This music is so much bigger than me, and even bigger than all of us. I don't feel the pressure and the potential rejection of creating alone, instead, I feel the fluidity of the passion that resides in all of us. Recently, a jovial fiddle player/ singer moved her trailer into my back yard and began to incorporate some of her spirit into my music as well. It is wonderful to feel someone's energy and soul move through the music with me. Passion is evident and it is contagious.
I am learning so much right now about music and collaboration as well as the inner most capabilities of my mind. In the yoga teacher training I am in, I have been able to release into a sincere passion of mine of spirituality. In this training of my mind, I have begun to realize that music to me IS spirituality in form. Anything that fully engages you in your fullest way is a devotion to something greater than yourself. I am detoxing, to say the least, from the outside in. I can feel my body getting stronger, my mind quieting and my spirit soaring. I never expected this time in Portland to be what it has been for me thus far. But I can say, with all of my heart, that I knew if I followed my gut and listened to the quiet voice inside, I would be where I needed to be. And right now, I am in Portland.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Time to rest
I have been searching, as many of you have come to know, for something far deeper than surface level "reality". I want truth, beauty and light to be the center of my life, and in discovering that, I desire that my search may allow others to join me.
I was perusing once again through media on youtube, listening to sastang....(which is a sanskrit word for a meeting in the highest truth). Often times the satsang is with a guru, and sometimes it is merely a meeting of people who desire to look past the obvious life answers. From watching all of these enlightened people talk about their views of life, I have realized that to want is an enormous gift. Wanting creates questions in us. It allows us to search deeper and really delve into our lives in what we "think" we have a lack in.
For me, I have been longing to discover love. But the truth is, I do not need to search. The want that we have inside of us is a personal tool we can use to realize that what we want is not what we LACK, but what we have an ABUNDANCE of. We have an abundance of love. We have an abundance of freedom. We have an abundance of peace etc.
So, what in your life are you seeking? Whether it be love, peace, freedom.... You already are there. You have never left, you have only imagined yourself leaving that goodness. As I have come to learn... thus far on this amazing journey...it's time to rest. It's time to discover that I am the source. I want what I am already.
I was perusing once again through media on youtube, listening to sastang....(which is a sanskrit word for a meeting in the highest truth). Often times the satsang is with a guru, and sometimes it is merely a meeting of people who desire to look past the obvious life answers. From watching all of these enlightened people talk about their views of life, I have realized that to want is an enormous gift. Wanting creates questions in us. It allows us to search deeper and really delve into our lives in what we "think" we have a lack in.
For me, I have been longing to discover love. But the truth is, I do not need to search. The want that we have inside of us is a personal tool we can use to realize that what we want is not what we LACK, but what we have an ABUNDANCE of. We have an abundance of love. We have an abundance of freedom. We have an abundance of peace etc.
So, what in your life are you seeking? Whether it be love, peace, freedom.... You already are there. You have never left, you have only imagined yourself leaving that goodness. As I have come to learn... thus far on this amazing journey...it's time to rest. It's time to discover that I am the source. I want what I am already.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Words
One of my friends yesterday shot me a text with the profound thought "the road to intimacy is saying more with few words".- Joni Renee
I am not a woman of few words. I know that, and many of you know that as well. I say every thought, every emotion, every passing feeling out loud. I have learned to be more cautious about who I share my heart with, for not everyone is willing or wishes to hear my truth all the time.
This thought really resonated with me. Words are so easily interpreted the wrong way. In this day and age, we text when we should talk, and talk when we should see eyes. It can always be taken according to how the person receiving the words feels at the moment.
I have come to learn some truths about words in my life thus far. They are incredible pointers, but they are just the map. And sometimes saying less and allowing yourself feel the moment is far more powerful. Our gut feelings are the best indicators on how to follow your true path. Words can only take you so far. Let intuition take you the rest of the way :)
I am not a woman of few words. I know that, and many of you know that as well. I say every thought, every emotion, every passing feeling out loud. I have learned to be more cautious about who I share my heart with, for not everyone is willing or wishes to hear my truth all the time.
This thought really resonated with me. Words are so easily interpreted the wrong way. In this day and age, we text when we should talk, and talk when we should see eyes. It can always be taken according to how the person receiving the words feels at the moment.
I have come to learn some truths about words in my life thus far. They are incredible pointers, but they are just the map. And sometimes saying less and allowing yourself feel the moment is far more powerful. Our gut feelings are the best indicators on how to follow your true path. Words can only take you so far. Let intuition take you the rest of the way :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Journey on
A dear friend of mine reminded me yesterday that it is the journey that counts....not just the destination. The journey is the most fulfilling part in this life, if you allow it to be.
She used the profound analogy of going on a vacation.
When you get ready for a vacation, you plan, you pack, you journey there, you have the vacation, go home, and then unpack. But the trip is not only the destination. It begins even with the thought and the desire to go. The entire process of the journey is what makes it so beautiful and thrilling.
I let this resonate and sit with me for a while, and I have really found this to be true. It's not the destination that matters, because even when you get to the place that you desired, you can often find another amazing road map that leads you to yet another treasure.
I also listened to an interview by the great mandolin artist ( Chris Thile) and he pointed towards following music because it is a wonderful journey, not because it is a goal oriented profession. It is not something that you can have a goal in, you can only be alive, alert and attentive in each new moment. That is why it is so exciting.
I am in the most wonderful city, experiencing music all of the time, and I am totally ready for whatever glorious opportunities come my way. But again, the only "goal" of mine is to live and love this insanely wonderful ride.
I guess in some ways, I am still working on letting go of my hold on specific moments. But it is all part of the process and I am grateful for each new and surprising moment. I can only account for how I feel now. It has been proven to me that when I surrender into the journey and experience the now, life is so much fuller and richer. I don't have to try to control everything.......I just have to BE.
She used the profound analogy of going on a vacation.
When you get ready for a vacation, you plan, you pack, you journey there, you have the vacation, go home, and then unpack. But the trip is not only the destination. It begins even with the thought and the desire to go. The entire process of the journey is what makes it so beautiful and thrilling.
I let this resonate and sit with me for a while, and I have really found this to be true. It's not the destination that matters, because even when you get to the place that you desired, you can often find another amazing road map that leads you to yet another treasure.
I also listened to an interview by the great mandolin artist ( Chris Thile) and he pointed towards following music because it is a wonderful journey, not because it is a goal oriented profession. It is not something that you can have a goal in, you can only be alive, alert and attentive in each new moment. That is why it is so exciting.
I am in the most wonderful city, experiencing music all of the time, and I am totally ready for whatever glorious opportunities come my way. But again, the only "goal" of mine is to live and love this insanely wonderful ride.
I guess in some ways, I am still working on letting go of my hold on specific moments. But it is all part of the process and I am grateful for each new and surprising moment. I can only account for how I feel now. It has been proven to me that when I surrender into the journey and experience the now, life is so much fuller and richer. I don't have to try to control everything.......I just have to BE.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
The Rain
In this current climate of the world we live in, many discussions have come up about the main "issues" taking hold now. With the election coming up, it seems more often than not, people ask the age old question, "who are you voting for?"
While all of this is important to inform yourself about, I have come to realize that most people feel helpless. Most of us feel like the world is not changeable and even the so-called good people running for president had to lie to us to manipulate us into thinking that we can change for the better.
It seems like an uphill climb, doesn't it? It seems like this world that we live in is constantly cheating us of our natural human being rights in order to maintain something that isn't even real. Money.
Money was originally sacred. It really was. People used money in a gift setting. As in; I did something for the whole, and I am able to maintain a gift from doing this. It was not about greed and hoarding. Everyone had something to give and in that everyone was taken care of. Of course, in this size of economy, money had to be taken to a new level. It's just that we are so overwhelmed by it, we have forgotten that it is not life itself. It is powerful, indeed, but only as powerful as you make it.
I had a moment of frustration that sparked this feeling inside of me today. I was being called about a bill, and in that moment, I forgot everything that makes life beautiful and focused on the sincere anger and frustration that I as feeling. I felt trapped by seeing only this emotion, and not the entire picture. I don't believe that this world is meant to be content with the conditions that are now. We have so many ego driven goals that we have forgotten that we are mammals. We are HUMAN! Why have we complicated things to such a degree that we no longer have access to being free, even if we tried. There are so many rules and regulations on even the most natural things. My friend Bryson mentioned that we work tirelessly each day to maintain resources that are part of this earth...that are part of us. Food and shelter are provided for us, without money, however, we can't seem to work enough. We cant seem to get enough of what doesn't satisfy.
I thought of the world condition today, and in that came a beautiful analogy.
Rain can be a negative experience for some people. It can seasonally depress you, or make you uncomfortable..... you name it. For some it is beautiful and relaxing. No matter what our views of the rain, it is only temporary. It comes and it goes and it gives life.
In the "rainy season" that we live in right now, there is hope. Nothing is permanent. And in the end we will see that this cloud we have been living under has just been a way for us to grow, learn and flourish.
I am ready to see what happens after this rain.
Also- I highly reccomend the book "Sacred Economics" by Charles Eisenstein
While all of this is important to inform yourself about, I have come to realize that most people feel helpless. Most of us feel like the world is not changeable and even the so-called good people running for president had to lie to us to manipulate us into thinking that we can change for the better.
It seems like an uphill climb, doesn't it? It seems like this world that we live in is constantly cheating us of our natural human being rights in order to maintain something that isn't even real. Money.
Money was originally sacred. It really was. People used money in a gift setting. As in; I did something for the whole, and I am able to maintain a gift from doing this. It was not about greed and hoarding. Everyone had something to give and in that everyone was taken care of. Of course, in this size of economy, money had to be taken to a new level. It's just that we are so overwhelmed by it, we have forgotten that it is not life itself. It is powerful, indeed, but only as powerful as you make it.
I had a moment of frustration that sparked this feeling inside of me today. I was being called about a bill, and in that moment, I forgot everything that makes life beautiful and focused on the sincere anger and frustration that I as feeling. I felt trapped by seeing only this emotion, and not the entire picture. I don't believe that this world is meant to be content with the conditions that are now. We have so many ego driven goals that we have forgotten that we are mammals. We are HUMAN! Why have we complicated things to such a degree that we no longer have access to being free, even if we tried. There are so many rules and regulations on even the most natural things. My friend Bryson mentioned that we work tirelessly each day to maintain resources that are part of this earth...that are part of us. Food and shelter are provided for us, without money, however, we can't seem to work enough. We cant seem to get enough of what doesn't satisfy.
I thought of the world condition today, and in that came a beautiful analogy.
Rain can be a negative experience for some people. It can seasonally depress you, or make you uncomfortable..... you name it. For some it is beautiful and relaxing. No matter what our views of the rain, it is only temporary. It comes and it goes and it gives life.
In the "rainy season" that we live in right now, there is hope. Nothing is permanent. And in the end we will see that this cloud we have been living under has just been a way for us to grow, learn and flourish.
I am ready to see what happens after this rain.
Also- I highly reccomend the book "Sacred Economics" by Charles Eisenstein
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
The return to love.
I have been reading many articles and watching many interviews with people who have come to know their true nature....LOVE.
I have learned that our ego's cannot grapple with the idea of loving unconditionally, so they come up with reasons to love. Whereas LOVE needs no reasons or condition. LOVE is.
Something that struck me as interesting this morning, and something that I am still growing with, is the idea that this life is about returning to love. It is about remembering our true nature. And that our essence and our ego's want different things, even though we call it by the same name. So while the Ego "looks" for love, the spirit "returns" to love. That means it has never left us. It has only been forgotten and dismissed so that we can remember how great it really is to live in that love. When describing love, many of us try to use words that imply that it comes from an outside source, when the truth is, it comes from within us. It IS what we are.
I guess I have no exact purpose of writing all of this. Except that it is a reminder to me, and anyone who would care to join me in my journey for a moment. Love is what we are. And experiencing that is the greatest adventure in this life. So let's return to love :)
I have learned that our ego's cannot grapple with the idea of loving unconditionally, so they come up with reasons to love. Whereas LOVE needs no reasons or condition. LOVE is.
Something that struck me as interesting this morning, and something that I am still growing with, is the idea that this life is about returning to love. It is about remembering our true nature. And that our essence and our ego's want different things, even though we call it by the same name. So while the Ego "looks" for love, the spirit "returns" to love. That means it has never left us. It has only been forgotten and dismissed so that we can remember how great it really is to live in that love. When describing love, many of us try to use words that imply that it comes from an outside source, when the truth is, it comes from within us. It IS what we are.
I guess I have no exact purpose of writing all of this. Except that it is a reminder to me, and anyone who would care to join me in my journey for a moment. Love is what we are. And experiencing that is the greatest adventure in this life. So let's return to love :)
Friday, August 17, 2012
The Joy
Sometimes I become so excited, so joyful and so happy... I can't help but express all of the love pouring out of me.
I am excited and heart filled even in the hardest moments of my life anymore. It's not that I have not felt disappointment and anger and frustration...but I have a fresh and new perspective on every human emotion, which has become just one thing. LOVE.
I have really been exploring this idea. Every day. It is not an intellectually understood concept. It is a heart felt knowledge. In my explanation of why I love everything so much....I can only say that I have started to experience the feelings and understand the words that have lead me to this place.
I am learning now that all of my problems are caused from one thing. Separation.
And I am learning that the answer and cure is also one thing. Connection.
For when I understand with my soul that everything is one, nothing can harm me, and I wish to do no harm to others.
Forgiveness becomes a freeing feeling and it is an unconditional love. For real forgiveness cannot happen unless you realize that there is nothing anyone can do to deserve this love. It just is. So, love exists whether or not there is an experience that goes along with it.
I have learned that this feeling of utter happiness is divine. It is the recognition of the divine in all people, in all things. Love, light and peace.....all real things that are understood at a rooted deep level, and not with our minds.
I am excited and heart filled even in the hardest moments of my life anymore. It's not that I have not felt disappointment and anger and frustration...but I have a fresh and new perspective on every human emotion, which has become just one thing. LOVE.
I have really been exploring this idea. Every day. It is not an intellectually understood concept. It is a heart felt knowledge. In my explanation of why I love everything so much....I can only say that I have started to experience the feelings and understand the words that have lead me to this place.
I am learning now that all of my problems are caused from one thing. Separation.
And I am learning that the answer and cure is also one thing. Connection.
For when I understand with my soul that everything is one, nothing can harm me, and I wish to do no harm to others.
Forgiveness becomes a freeing feeling and it is an unconditional love. For real forgiveness cannot happen unless you realize that there is nothing anyone can do to deserve this love. It just is. So, love exists whether or not there is an experience that goes along with it.
I have learned that this feeling of utter happiness is divine. It is the recognition of the divine in all people, in all things. Love, light and peace.....all real things that are understood at a rooted deep level, and not with our minds.
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