So, I began working in a vintage shop on Alberta that sells mainly cowboy attire and flannel shirts with some retro-fitted dresses. It's been great so far, mainly because I can use this space as my office. What I have been doing at home is writing music and contemplating, and here I can basically do the same thing, all the while feeling the heart beat of this unique and electrifying neighborhood.
Today I have seen a wide range of travelers and locals peruse around the store. I love people watching. I find everyone so fascinating in their own unique ways. I am blown away at the diversity in all people and how we each contribute to the collective whole.
Just a few minutes ago, a group of deaf men over the age of 40 walked in. I didn't realize they were deaf until a few minutes in. They were so graceful in their communication it almost made me cry with joy. Before that, a lesbian couple near my age walked in and glorified their unity, joyfully looking around the shop. I met a few people from Sweden speaking in their native tongue for about 5 minutes....until I just had to ask, "where are you from?" Their tricky vowels and consonants were unfamiliar to my ears. I conversed with a band from Canada on vacation asking me for tips on what to do, and I could only tell them a little bit about my own experience. I still have so much to discover. I have only been working for two days and I can see such a glory in this world. In the people.
I have spent a ton of time traveling recently, and for a while, I will be in Portland. It feels so right to call this place home. I can feel an energy unlike any place I have ever been. Travelers and locals alike can all feel the same beautiful welcoming energy. This city is alive, and I get to live here. I am so blessed.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Judge Judy
This blog post has absolutely nothing to do with the tough and aggressive law woman herself, but it does have to do with the first word. Judge.
How often do we judge others?
I was in the dollar store the other day, and I was audibly scoffing at the surplus of goods being shipped to us from third world countries so that we can buy them for an ideally low price of a dollar. I was scoffing, and angry, and......judgmental of those were shopping there. But I began to think...if I am judging them, what is stopping them from judging others as well?
If I would have known myself even a year ago, I would have not wanted to be my friend. I was just as unaware of the damage it costs to support this industry with my dollar. And though I have greatly shifted my perception of how I view large companies that overpower the little guy, I still have a long way to go.
My point is, any judgment is not a representation of love. Sure, becoming passionate about the earth and the treatment of others is important....but to scoff at others for being so naive is unfair. I am sure I will look back even on today and see how much growth I have had since now. I must do the changing in my own heart, and live by example. That is the lesson I have learned. When I judge others, I judge myself more.
How often do we judge others?
I was in the dollar store the other day, and I was audibly scoffing at the surplus of goods being shipped to us from third world countries so that we can buy them for an ideally low price of a dollar. I was scoffing, and angry, and......judgmental of those were shopping there. But I began to think...if I am judging them, what is stopping them from judging others as well?
If I would have known myself even a year ago, I would have not wanted to be my friend. I was just as unaware of the damage it costs to support this industry with my dollar. And though I have greatly shifted my perception of how I view large companies that overpower the little guy, I still have a long way to go.
My point is, any judgment is not a representation of love. Sure, becoming passionate about the earth and the treatment of others is important....but to scoff at others for being so naive is unfair. I am sure I will look back even on today and see how much growth I have had since now. I must do the changing in my own heart, and live by example. That is the lesson I have learned. When I judge others, I judge myself more.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
shedding the fear of independence
Being the youngest of three and the only girl in my family, I have been accustomed to being dependent on others. Even with my friends, I have always greatly appreciated taking on the "role" of someone to be cared for. I have relished in the youngest sibling prototype for far too long, and I have recently done much thought on being my own caretaker. Though I have encountered countless opportunities towards being independent (college first then the cruise) It hasn't really hit me in totality until now.
Moving here to Portland has shown me that I really am capable of doing things on my own. I have gained incredible confidence that I did not have before..... all that I am grateful for.
But something has been on my mind lately:
The fine line between being independent but also being part of a strong community.
We are people who need other people. And sharing your gifts and skills with others along with receiving their generosity does not make you solely dependent on them. Everyone has something to offer, and that is where the search for your own independence plays such a huge role. If we know ourselves to be a true guide and confidence shines through us, we can indeed lead others. We can help each other grow.
The way I was living my life previously was causing others to feel responsible for me. Perhaps that had to do with how I treated them (they were my only guides). However, through much contemplation, I have realized that I am my greatest teacher. I have the answers, and I am very confident that I can do anything. Now, I rest in knowing that I have so much to offer in a community because I am whole. I am not a weak being who needs others to care for me, instead, I am a part of a collection of whole people who can give and take when we need it most. Instead of relying on others and pulling from their energy, I replenish their hospitality by giving my strength (perhaps at another time) when I am radiating with it.
In college, I took a course in Trul Kor Yoga, which is an ancient form of yoga from Tibet. These yogis were incredible, and could conquer any fear mainly because they knew it was all a state of mind. That class was merely an introduction for me into independence because our teacher constantly reminded us that we are all going to be alright. The fear of graduation plagued all of us.... but for me, it was the fear of independence and being on my own. She shared her glorious life stories with us each class, and now looking back, I can really see what she means. I am an independent woman, who is fearless and strong. I can do anything when I trust that the magic will happen. And the comfort of community is bigger than just depending on others, it is knowing that you contribute just as much to their lives.
Moving here to Portland has shown me that I really am capable of doing things on my own. I have gained incredible confidence that I did not have before..... all that I am grateful for.
But something has been on my mind lately:
The fine line between being independent but also being part of a strong community.
We are people who need other people. And sharing your gifts and skills with others along with receiving their generosity does not make you solely dependent on them. Everyone has something to offer, and that is where the search for your own independence plays such a huge role. If we know ourselves to be a true guide and confidence shines through us, we can indeed lead others. We can help each other grow.
The way I was living my life previously was causing others to feel responsible for me. Perhaps that had to do with how I treated them (they were my only guides). However, through much contemplation, I have realized that I am my greatest teacher. I have the answers, and I am very confident that I can do anything. Now, I rest in knowing that I have so much to offer in a community because I am whole. I am not a weak being who needs others to care for me, instead, I am a part of a collection of whole people who can give and take when we need it most. Instead of relying on others and pulling from their energy, I replenish their hospitality by giving my strength (perhaps at another time) when I am radiating with it.
In college, I took a course in Trul Kor Yoga, which is an ancient form of yoga from Tibet. These yogis were incredible, and could conquer any fear mainly because they knew it was all a state of mind. That class was merely an introduction for me into independence because our teacher constantly reminded us that we are all going to be alright. The fear of graduation plagued all of us.... but for me, it was the fear of independence and being on my own. She shared her glorious life stories with us each class, and now looking back, I can really see what she means. I am an independent woman, who is fearless and strong. I can do anything when I trust that the magic will happen. And the comfort of community is bigger than just depending on others, it is knowing that you contribute just as much to their lives.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
patience is a virtue
with all the life experience I have been blessed with, this is by far the most challenging. It is the challenge of resting in the great unknown.
I am not sure what life has in store for me. Only that I have great love and passion for music. When I sing, I can feel my whole being radiate with joy. It is almost as if I am being taken to another world completely. I know other artists feel similarly. It's as if I am tapping into the greatest secret of all time, ridding myself of this illusion for a brief moment. All my worries disappear, because they never really existed in the first place.
This time period of my life has been transformative and fluid. I have spent many hours, by grace alone, in solitude. I have listened to my gut. I have practiced peace. I have pushed away the greatest doubts I have ever known. But all of this has taken tremendous patience. Patience I prayed for. And instead of automatically becoming patient, I was given time to wait.
I used to be the biggest stress ball. I couldn't control my reactions to the simplest hiccups in life. I needed to chill, to say the least. And Yoga has done wonders for my inner peace. But even more so, I have handed over my trust to the unfolding universe.
It is so easy to get so caught up in the every day annoyances and worry about the future. So, to the best of my ability, right now on this crazy unknown journey I have set upon, I release myself into the greatest adventure I have known yet.
I am not sure what life has in store for me. Only that I have great love and passion for music. When I sing, I can feel my whole being radiate with joy. It is almost as if I am being taken to another world completely. I know other artists feel similarly. It's as if I am tapping into the greatest secret of all time, ridding myself of this illusion for a brief moment. All my worries disappear, because they never really existed in the first place.
This time period of my life has been transformative and fluid. I have spent many hours, by grace alone, in solitude. I have listened to my gut. I have practiced peace. I have pushed away the greatest doubts I have ever known. But all of this has taken tremendous patience. Patience I prayed for. And instead of automatically becoming patient, I was given time to wait.
I used to be the biggest stress ball. I couldn't control my reactions to the simplest hiccups in life. I needed to chill, to say the least. And Yoga has done wonders for my inner peace. But even more so, I have handed over my trust to the unfolding universe.
It is so easy to get so caught up in the every day annoyances and worry about the future. So, to the best of my ability, right now on this crazy unknown journey I have set upon, I release myself into the greatest adventure I have known yet.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
I am loved by love itself
On the subject of love.
Hafiz says in The Gift something like this (forgive my paraphrasing)" One cannot master love, one can only serve as a vessel (a glass of wine)"
I adore how he uses that imagery of the glass of wine. The wine; being aged to perfection, is the love that we realize has been overflowing after years of experience. The wine glass; being our vessel that love can freely flow through.
We cannot try to attain love. It is not something that you can perfect. It is just there. It is available all of the time. We must be open to love flowing through us in order to experience it though. This is a choice.
Many people have an idealized picture of how love is "supposed to be". I know I still do in some ways. We have made love into an item, versus something that is inately a part of being human. It is our nature to love. Even in those humans where love is expressed in terms of fear. We are all love. Period.
I feel so blessed to have realized that love is not something I can gain or own. It is something that is a part of me. Everything in my life has stemmed from my connection to love. My music, my energy, my joy, and even my insecurities. For in those tough times that I am filling that void of love with something else, it is still a part of love. It is only disguised and masked by this illusion.
Love is all there is, and we are an expression of love.
Hafiz says in The Gift something like this (forgive my paraphrasing)" One cannot master love, one can only serve as a vessel (a glass of wine)"
I adore how he uses that imagery of the glass of wine. The wine; being aged to perfection, is the love that we realize has been overflowing after years of experience. The wine glass; being our vessel that love can freely flow through.
We cannot try to attain love. It is not something that you can perfect. It is just there. It is available all of the time. We must be open to love flowing through us in order to experience it though. This is a choice.
Many people have an idealized picture of how love is "supposed to be". I know I still do in some ways. We have made love into an item, versus something that is inately a part of being human. It is our nature to love. Even in those humans where love is expressed in terms of fear. We are all love. Period.
I feel so blessed to have realized that love is not something I can gain or own. It is something that is a part of me. Everything in my life has stemmed from my connection to love. My music, my energy, my joy, and even my insecurities. For in those tough times that I am filling that void of love with something else, it is still a part of love. It is only disguised and masked by this illusion.
Love is all there is, and we are an expression of love.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
As I went down in the river to pray....
This weekend was one to write about.
I followed my hearts longing, and I went to commune with nature, and a beloved friend and mentor Jo- Ellen. I found my way down the 5 freeway through the lush land of southern Oregon into an oasis located on a creek and river. This was paradise.
When I arrived at their piece of heaven on earth, I closely held my dear friend who I hadn't seen in years...knowing that true human connection heals all wounds. I found myself taken back by the serenity of this land and the wisdom of Jo Ellen. After releasing my weighted baggage by laughing through life, I found clarity and simplicity.
Jo- Ellen let me read this magnificent book called "Epiphany" by Elise Ballard, that highlights the greatest transitions in people's lives. One woman shared her story of finding her connection with God, and realizing how dramatic she had made her own life. She attracted all of these huge "problems" in her life in order to make room for the life she really wanted. She also realized she couldn't help anyone until she focused on her own peace and serenity. It was touching, and so accurate.When your mind is so pre-occupied with the chaos in life, you can't help anyone, including yourself.
Sometimes life hands you lemons, and like they say......
but what you do with those sticky situations is truly the beauty of life. They are opportunities to grow and connect to your true path.
And as I spent my weekend belly laughing, crying and being quiet and still, I realized....nothing is as big of a deal as it seems, and all you can do is strive for clarity and wisdom and let your troubles wash away with the flowing river.
Thank you Jo-Ellen, again, you have reminded me that LOVE is all there is.
I followed my hearts longing, and I went to commune with nature, and a beloved friend and mentor Jo- Ellen. I found my way down the 5 freeway through the lush land of southern Oregon into an oasis located on a creek and river. This was paradise.
When I arrived at their piece of heaven on earth, I closely held my dear friend who I hadn't seen in years...knowing that true human connection heals all wounds. I found myself taken back by the serenity of this land and the wisdom of Jo Ellen. After releasing my weighted baggage by laughing through life, I found clarity and simplicity.
Jo- Ellen let me read this magnificent book called "Epiphany" by Elise Ballard, that highlights the greatest transitions in people's lives. One woman shared her story of finding her connection with God, and realizing how dramatic she had made her own life. She attracted all of these huge "problems" in her life in order to make room for the life she really wanted. She also realized she couldn't help anyone until she focused on her own peace and serenity. It was touching, and so accurate.When your mind is so pre-occupied with the chaos in life, you can't help anyone, including yourself.
Sometimes life hands you lemons, and like they say......
but what you do with those sticky situations is truly the beauty of life. They are opportunities to grow and connect to your true path.
And as I spent my weekend belly laughing, crying and being quiet and still, I realized....nothing is as big of a deal as it seems, and all you can do is strive for clarity and wisdom and let your troubles wash away with the flowing river.
Thank you Jo-Ellen, again, you have reminded me that LOVE is all there is.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Mirror, Mirror
As I stared into the reflection of my own eyes this morning during Bikram, I realized something very interesting about a human reflection.
How many times have I looked into a mirror, and yet have never really seen that it was me standing there?
How many years of judgment have I passed on the body that I live in?
Is my reflection really what the world sees?
So many questions flooded through my thoughts.
Gosh, I have spent so many years looking in to mirrors. I have seen myself get dressed up like I was royalty, and so groggy and pale faced in the mornings. I have seen the best and worst looks I have ever sported, staring back at me. And every time I looked in to my reflection has been so filled with my past and filled with either anger or approval or some sort of judgmental reaction.
I know I am not alone in this. Body image and appearance ideas flood our mental environment every day. Whether it be on the front of a gossip magazine, where celebrities are tortured for their 5 extra pounds and natural cellulite, or as simple as your good friend complementing your curves saying , "oh, that is a very flattering cut on you". Both good and bad thoughts come to mind when I think of body image.
Being an entertainer, body image has been one of the greatest challenges I have had to face. I have been scrutinized many a time for my curves, and it has been something that has always bothered me. But the truth is, I never was that dissatisfied with my figure. It was always the eye of the world telling me to be thinner and more body conscious. So, I aimed to please every one except myself in this society in order to fit into the ideal image.
But that proved to never work. I couldn't change my body because my mind and soul had proven to be content. I love my knobby knees, pink skin tone, slightly small lips, turned in pigeon-toed feet, my tiny ear lobes and carny hands. I could list a million funny things about this body that I reside in. But all of them are perfect.
Today I realized something magnificent. Every body in that yoga studio was different. Behind me, stood a strong, muscular man without an inch of body fat. Next to him, was a mousy brown haired 20- something female with a boyish figure. On the other side of the room, was a woman in her later years, sporting the scars of a well experienced mother. All of these bodies were unique. Each one of them spectacular. And that is the glorious thing about bodies. Even if we strive to look like someone else, we never will. Because we were all made as different and beautiful as each snowflake and rose petal. There is no one on this earth that is exactly the same.
I never want to feel bad about my image ever again. I only want to be healthy, and strive to eat the best fuel for this body, so that I may do yoga and ride my bike until I die.
Remember too, that all of you are richly blessed with your bodies. Never compare yourself to another human being. You are actually perfect.
How many times have I looked into a mirror, and yet have never really seen that it was me standing there?
How many years of judgment have I passed on the body that I live in?
Is my reflection really what the world sees?
So many questions flooded through my thoughts.
Gosh, I have spent so many years looking in to mirrors. I have seen myself get dressed up like I was royalty, and so groggy and pale faced in the mornings. I have seen the best and worst looks I have ever sported, staring back at me. And every time I looked in to my reflection has been so filled with my past and filled with either anger or approval or some sort of judgmental reaction.
I know I am not alone in this. Body image and appearance ideas flood our mental environment every day. Whether it be on the front of a gossip magazine, where celebrities are tortured for their 5 extra pounds and natural cellulite, or as simple as your good friend complementing your curves saying , "oh, that is a very flattering cut on you". Both good and bad thoughts come to mind when I think of body image.
Being an entertainer, body image has been one of the greatest challenges I have had to face. I have been scrutinized many a time for my curves, and it has been something that has always bothered me. But the truth is, I never was that dissatisfied with my figure. It was always the eye of the world telling me to be thinner and more body conscious. So, I aimed to please every one except myself in this society in order to fit into the ideal image.
But that proved to never work. I couldn't change my body because my mind and soul had proven to be content. I love my knobby knees, pink skin tone, slightly small lips, turned in pigeon-toed feet, my tiny ear lobes and carny hands. I could list a million funny things about this body that I reside in. But all of them are perfect.
Today I realized something magnificent. Every body in that yoga studio was different. Behind me, stood a strong, muscular man without an inch of body fat. Next to him, was a mousy brown haired 20- something female with a boyish figure. On the other side of the room, was a woman in her later years, sporting the scars of a well experienced mother. All of these bodies were unique. Each one of them spectacular. And that is the glorious thing about bodies. Even if we strive to look like someone else, we never will. Because we were all made as different and beautiful as each snowflake and rose petal. There is no one on this earth that is exactly the same.
I never want to feel bad about my image ever again. I only want to be healthy, and strive to eat the best fuel for this body, so that I may do yoga and ride my bike until I die.
Remember too, that all of you are richly blessed with your bodies. Never compare yourself to another human being. You are actually perfect.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)